Big Deal

The annual parade of fragile egos that is Celebrity Big Brother is on at the moment, along with shouty ads asking for auditionees for Big Brother 2009.

With each year that passes I am more and more frustrated by Big Brother. I was a big fan. But now it's just a big summer-long audition for people desperate for 'fame' at whatever price.

I really liked Dead Set, and many of the parallels were so spot on I found myself nodding at the telly like a loon. A few inaccuracies, which were necessary for the story, included the intelligence and common sense level of the housemates, which was too high. And also the nasty producer chap.

I really don't think the producers are nasty or deliberately exploitative. I think they don't have enough confidence in the format, or the fact that the relationships of the average person are endlessly fascinating to other average people. They don't have even nearly average people as housemates, and feel in order for it to be good telly they need to torture, starve and upset the housemates. It's boring. It's just so obvious. It's like human emotions by numbers. Make housemate A do something devious and nasty to housemate B and see if a negative reaction occurs. BORING.

Proof that the viewing public just like watching normal relationships form between normal(ish) people on the telly, as if it were needed, is provided in the form of both Come Dine With Me and Deal Or No Deal. Both of which I adore.

Come Dine With Me is probably a closer relative of BB, as total strangers very quickly find themselves in quite intimate company, that is, throwing little dinner parties for each other. Grudges that develop as a result of refusal to eat the pastry of a Beef Wellington ("It's just not civilised") are far more interesting than those that develop as the result of being forced to pick the housemate with the biggest ego (as recently occurred with Terry Christian) then having it aired in front of said ego (Ulrika).

Come Dine With Me triumphs by exposing the subtle differences that crop up when seemingly innocuous domestic routines collide. And it's just as good when people unexpectedly form wonderful friendships. And all this with absolute minimal manipulation from the producers. People get comfortable. Big Brother tries really really hard to make people feel uncomfortable, so they end up doing crazy things like shoving a wine bottle up their chuff just to get some attention.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, what with Celeb BB on in place of Everybody Loves Raymond of a morning. And I used to think that Deal Or No Deal presented a similar argument. It's fashionable to turn your nose up at Deal Or No Deal but I think it is a work of bearded genius. Yes it's exactly the same every single damn day. BUT it's the people that make it what it is. Just normal people but, crucially, the SAME people.

They get put up in a hotel in Bristol, all together, and often end up spending several weeks in very close quarters, filming every day. There are characters, relationships between characters, and Noel makes sure the audience knows this. He plays it up, he amplifies aspects of people's personalities, creates a mythology around certain players if they have a history of always having a box with a high number. He makes it his business to know the players really well because really he knows that's why people love it.

It's overly sentimental, as are the relationships, with incredibly intense bestest bestest ever friends forming within weeks. Mascots and photos with accompanying nauseating stories are encouraged. I used to think it wouldn't work without this. That Noel and his 22 boxes (just one question) was further proof that relationships between people can make even the dullest format interesting and therefore BB should a) leave well alone and stop engineering upset and b) use normal people.

Until I was in America a few months back and saw this...

That is how they open boxes American style. Beautiful ladies. This is one of the most popular Deal Or No Deal ladies...



This is Brooke. Brooke opens box 15.

Can someone please explain this to me? Why does anyone give a shiny shite? Every other game show on the planet relies on our interest in other people's skill, or knowledge, or problem solving abilities.

I just don't get it. And it kind of suggests that I'm completley wrong about why people like Come Dine With Me and Deal Or No Deal, and that I will in fact just watch any old crap.

Conference chic

Huzzah! I am recently returned from a Brain Research conference in Washington U.S.A. (hence the Americanised header). If forced at gunpoint (admittedly unlikely) I would have to say that fannying around chatting about sciencey things with exotic people all over the globe is possibly my favourite thing about research.

I have proof I have been in the U.S. - See Fig. 1 which depicts a pedestrian crossing. Note the helpful and considerate count-down informing people exactly how long they have left to dither about in the middle of the road (taking pictures and whatnot).

Fig. 1 Crossing the road Washington style

Here in the U.K. it is conventional for drivers to signal to pedestrians that their road-crossing time frame is coming to an end by revving their engines and creeping slowly forward. It's not as precise but it seems to work ok.

As you can imagine, much of the discussion at the conference was given over to this year's trends in conference fashion. While trying to figure out if I could subsist entirely on free conference pastries and cakes for the rest of my stay (apparently there's some sort of economic problem happening at the moment and my credit card was shivering at the prospect of check-out), I was interrupted by an enthusiastic Italian epigeneticist (don't ask) who wanted desperately to impress upon me that a) she owned the same dress as the one I was wearing and b)I look almost as fabulous in it as she does.

She told me I should come to an epigenetics meeting in Lille. But I don't know anything about epigenetics. It makes my head hurt. So? Lille is beautiful and the food is amazing.

Is this what they call networking? If so I love it. She cooed some more about the other dress I'd worn the previous day and I decided that I totally rock at networking.

I'd also like to give a special mention to the conference bags which, at every other conference I've ever been to, have always looked like this or a variation thereof...



Not at this, the best-dressed conference of 2008. Oh no. Behold eco-friendly and bang on trend, the Nexus conference bag made from jute canvas, complete with a clasp made from finest coconut shell. Biodegradable and sustainable. Round of applause please...